(I know you do not need a man to be happy, but this article is for those young women who DO want a relationship with a man, not to make them happy, but to have companionship, marriages or families some day.)
So some of your friends have already found themselves a great guy to date and are thinking about their future with them, and you are sitting home alone on Friday nights watching Netflix asking what you are doing wrong. Let me see if I can give you some honest advice and pointers.
First of all, the perfect man for you is not going to come knock on your door while you are home watching Netflix. You need to put yourself out there a little bit. Yes, even you shy girls are going to have to bite the bullet and go outside your home to try to find him. Now this doesn't mean you need to get all dolled up and hit the bars. Finding a quality guy in a bar is like finding a needle in a hay stack. But when a group of your friends is going out, go with them, wherever they are going. You never know where you will find him.
Second, you need to know what kind of guy you are looking for. Funny, charming, a go-getter? Just like there are many layers to you, there are also many layers to men also. If you keep roping in bad guys, you might need to rethink what you are looking for versus what you need. Maybe you need to quit going for the pretty boys. Yes they are nice to look at, but are they just using you for sex and then moving on? And here's a real eye opener, just because a guy is nice to you doesn't mean he's right for you! Think back to your childhood and you wanted one of your parents to buy you something. Were you extra special nice to them, maybe took out the trash without being asked so they would buy it for you? Well ladies, that is what these men are doing too. Don't fall for it!
Thirdly, when you see a guy that is fitting your values and morals, is funny and is good to look at too, you need to say something to him! Don't be afraid, say Hi, compliment him on something genuine, make your move. If you sit in the corner making eyes at him, he may just think you are the strange girl in the corner. Go over and start that conversation. I know it's hard, but get up your strength and do it. What's the worst thing that can happen, he says he has a girlfriend? Just tell him how lucky she is and move on. You left the conversation with him thinking highly of you, and maybe thinking about you when the girlfriend is no longer in the picture.
So where should you be looking for the right man? You've heard all the lines already, look at church, the library and so forth. You need to look wherever you are. You will find somebody with common interests then. If you are at college, look inside of your major. If you are out of college, look into different gathering of co-mingled friends. Your best guy friend may have a friend from high school that is in town for the weekend, and bam. Sometimes it is just a total coincidence that you meet him, other times it might be a set up from your best friend. Go on those first dates with people who think you might hit it off. Worse thing that can happen is you have a uncomfortable dinner and you both move on. Just be honest with those guys, tell them it isn't going to work. I met my husband because a bunch of my friends were going midnight bowling one night. One of my friends asked if a group of his older brothers friends could come with us. Bam! I wasn't looking for a husband, but I found one. People who knew both of us said that we would make a great couple due to our common interests. That was over 25 years ago now.
"But what types of men should I be looking for?" It depends on your interests. If you love the outdoors, don't find a shy, stay-at-home type of guy. Go find that guy who loves to try new things with you, who will climb that mountain with you and will gut and cook the fish you caught. Are you a movie buff? Find somebody who will love to go opening night to the latest movies with you. If you hate sports, do not find a football mega fan or you will never see him for four months out of the year. So what type did I go for? I went for sweet and funny. I also wanted a guy who could change the oil, tires or batteries in a car. Why? Because I wanted a guy who could take care of things himself around the house and not be afraid to fail trying something new. I am constantly trying new things. Some I get good at over time, some I suck at and will never do again. But at least I try them out first. That was what I was looking for in a husband, and thankfully also what I got.
So here are the bullet points for finding the right guy to date:
- Put yourself out there
- Know what you are looking for in a man
- Don't go just for looks
- Find a man with common interests
- Try one date with the guy your roommate thinks is perfect for you
- Attend co-mingled friend gatherings
- If he's not right, just be honest and move on
- Looks fade
- Money comes and goes
- If your dog doesn't like him, there's a good reason why
- Learn from past mistakes
- And don't make the same mistake twice
What advice would you give the millennial generation to find the best man for them to date? What were you looking for in a man and found or missed the mark on? Let's help these younger women out so that they can find true love and a successful, long marriage.